Gone far to long.

Yeah... I know. Long time no see.

I have a lot of excuses and none of them are good. None of those excuses have gotten me anywhere in my weightloss either. I'm still holding steady at 72.8 lbs gone so from my highest gone I've gained 4 lbs.

I've stopped working out with the personal trainer... I wasn't losing weight. I've scaled back to walking the dog and doing zumba then doing weights at home with dumbells and a body bar.

And the Verdict is...

I have 1 cavity and 4 wisdom teeth that need to be removed ASAP. I will be seeing the person they referred me to on Thursday to see when they will be carving these huge pain inflicting things out of my mouth.

Sounds fun huh?

Thank goodness I still have some days left from last year.

I'm hoping to have them out on a Wednesday or Thursday and be back to school the following Monday.

im here

In all the years I've taught I have never been so tired during the first two weeks as I have been this ear. Of course getting a cold from my husband and dealing with the pain of my teeth doesn't help either.

I go to the dentist on Monday after work so hopefully I'll get some meds to get me on the road to painfree days and nights full of rest. I am sure I'll have to get dental work done but we'll see what happens with that.

On good news I went to weigh in today and I maintained what I had lost the week before so I'm still officially down 76.4 lbs. woo hoo.

Back to tracking and staying on program.

There is a pattern

Last summer I hit a "plateau". This summer I hit a "plateau". I gain and lose the same 5-10 pounds all summer until I get back to work and start losing more. It's not a plateau I'm on... it's me. I'm being half assed.

I'll be back in my schedule starting Thursday... thank god.

Waving the bullshit flag!!

As I was watching "More to Love" last night I had to pause it and turn to my dear husband Chris and rant.

One of the girls (one of the MANY) was boo hooing about not being loved because of their weight and how it has made them insecure and blah blah blah. She went on to say that all she wants is someone to love her for who she is on the INSIDE. For someone to see the real her, to see her personality, her soul, and everything there is about her that she has worked hard to develop.

What pissed me off about this boo hooing was that fat chicks want their bodies to be desired also. We want to be desired, to be craved, to be ridden hard and put up wet... IN ADDITION to our personality, our soul, and everything else we have worked hard to develop (career, education, hobbies, friends, etc.).

Being loved isn't about being a size. It's about being who you are and being valued.

I don't dream often but when I do, I remember it...

Last night I dreamt that I had gone somewhere with my sister and my husband and everyone who was around me would point and stare at me because of my weight. I often have this fear/anxiety that people are staring at me in public because of this. Perhaps I'm crazy, perhaps I'm hitting the head right on the button. Whatever it is it's apparently bothering more than I thought it was. Bothering me so much that I woke up in tears.

Yeah, not cool.

I'm glad my parents don't take me on Dr. Phil.

I've been watching a lot of Dr. Phil lately... there's not much on at 3:00 p.m. so I'll check out what Dr. Phil is advising people on.

Today is dealing with parents and their crappy parenting skills. Gosh. Parenting skills, apparently either you inherently have them or you don't. Funny how that is. I have been teaching (raising other peoples kids) for 7 years now and I see a lot of crappy and some good parenting skills. You'd think parents of kids with special needs would be involved... for the most part they aren't. I don't know if it's because they're still dealing with the hand that they've been dealt or what...

A lot of the parents on todays show reminds me a lot of things that my parents have done/neglected to do over the years. Not calling or returning calls. Not showing up for special events or if they do show up for special events not being active in them. I could go on and on but the negative drains you, it hurts, and it's old.

A lot of the things Chris and I dealt with seperately and together while dealing with our parents have influenced who we are and the decisions we make.